Why Strong Relationships With Both Parents Matter
How to Help Your Child When You Can't Fix the Other Parent
You know it is good for your child to have both parents in their life. You read it in books and hear it from others.
But you feel a pit in your stomach. The fighting makes this feel like a dream that will not come true. You may worry about your child's bond with your ex. You feel like you cannot help.
This is a very heavy weight to carry. It is hard to support that bond when things are so difficult. If you feel stuck, you are not alone.
When there is a lot of fighting, you cannot force everyone to get along. The best thing you can do is focus on what you can control. You can control your own relationship with your child.
When you become their safe place, they can handle anything. From there, you can support their bond with their other parent. You can do this without losing your own peace.
Here is how to focus on what matters most.
1. Focus on Your Bond First
Your main focus should be your own bond with your child. This is your anchor. It is their anchor, too.
Their world can feel shaky. Your bond is the one thing they can count on. This means your home is a safe place. It is free from adult fights. It means you listen to them. You accept their feelings. You are a source of calm and love.
When your child feels safe with you, they become strong. This helps them handle other hard things.
2. Support Your Child (Not Your Ex)
Supporting their other relationship is not about liking your ex's choices. It is a child-centered approach.
This means you never say bad things about their other parent in front of them. Your child is a part of both of you. When you bad-mouth your ex, it hurts your child.
It also means you let your child have their own feelings. You do not put them in the middle. You can listen to them when they are upset. You can say, "That sounds very hard." You do not need to blame the other parent.
3. Let Go of What You Cannot Control
This is the hardest step. It is also the most freeing.
You cannot control your ex's choices. You cannot control their parenting. Trying to manage what happens at their house will only make you tired.
Your job is not to fix their relationship with your child. Your job is to make your child feel safe and strong with your love. By focusing on your own home, you step away from the chaos. This protects your sanity.
You Are Their Safe Place to Land
Your child comes home from their other parent's house. They are quiet and sad. In the past, you might have felt angry at your ex. You might have tried to fix it.
Now, you take a breath. You remember your real job. You do not ask questions about the other parent. You do not blame anyone. You just sit with your child. You listen. You say, "I'm sorry you had a hard day. I'm here for you."
Your child leans on you. They feel safe. They did not need you to fix their other parent. They just needed you. Your strong, steady love is the only tool you need. It is the anchor that makes them feel safe, no matter what.
This is one of the hardest parts of co-parenting. You do not have to do it alone. Let’s build a plan that protects your child and your peace.
Have the confidence you’re doing what’s best for your family through child-centered co-parenting.
Book your free consult today to see how I can help you and your family thrive before, during and beyond divorce.